My Autistic Boy And Other Adventures In Fatherhood

Halloween is now less than a week away.  I like this holiday a lot more since we have had kids.  I read somewhere that this is the fastest growing holiday in the United States… I forget how they were measuring it, but somehow they came up with numbers that proved this to be the case.  I love seeing the kids dressed up coming to the door getting excited when they see the bowl of candy they get to pick from…from the really little ones that are dressed in Pooh Bear suits being pulled by the Moms and Dads in Fisher Price wagons down the street to the elementary school kids that really believe, in their outfits, that they are Power Rangers, Princesses and Pirates…

The older kids kind of piss me off though when they come to the door.  I have an issue with giving them candy. I do so reluctantly without much of a comment to them. I only give them one candy bar also.  I kind of have a personal feeling that they are in someway, somehow taking us for a ride – they are a bit too old for this.  I dunno know why. 

I also get real creeped out by adults that dress up and start to role play their characters.  Why do you need a costume? Why are you role playing so seriously?  What is going on in your head on a regular basis that this ‘role’ is allowed to come out of its pandora’s box today?  Stay away from my wife and kids, okay…get the *#&^& out of my office…  Are you stalking me?  You are not Spider Man, Steve, you are drunk and you cannot climb that wall, idiot….

Then the next day is fun, because all the people that don’t want the leftover candy bring it into the office. I’m no chocoholic (in fact, I don’t eat a lot of candy), but I do like a bite sized Snickers, etc…just perfect for my tastes and wants for about a week.

Of course, then you run into the joker who was the drunk Spider Man the night before and now he’s just plain ol’ ‘I take my finance job way too serious’ Steve asking for a report…and you still see drunk Spider Man. That’s a hard transition the next day, you know?

Its kind of like the promiscuous office worker who gets sloppy drunk at the Holiday Party and starts telling you how much she likes Joe from HR, likes him a lot, even though he is with his wife at the party…same thing, hard to transition the following Monday at work from sloppy drunk to take me serious legal aide.

As it stands, Maya is going to be a princess, a Disney Princess, and she has like, 18, different Disney Princess dress up outfits, and she hasn’t picked one as her final yet…and Demetrius is going to be SuperMan. He’s got one of those dress up outfits that have the fake muscles…very nice!

He’s had a hard time keeping his costumes on (with his sensory issues, masks, etc…are hard for him), and he really doesn’t seem to get Halloween (we all know a lot about it scares him)…he doesn’t get excited about the candy…but he does get real excited about watching the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown…so if he had his way he’d just rather stay home and watch Halloween specials.  HOWEVER, we are hoping this year, since he has finally taken a liking to sweets, will be a bit different with the free candy.  We’ll see.

Except at the adult, drunk Spider Man’s house.  He could get scared going over there, I think.  Daddy does for him. ☺

Not too much to write about today.

Tradeshow day, and just chit chat long distance with the wife and kids. I’ll say it again. It is cold in Minnesota. I guess I’d be saying the same thing about the heat in Texas in late August…but I am not conditioned for this…I have thin blood now…I brought my ‘winter’ running gear, but my winter gear just ain’t wintery enough for a Fall day in October in Minneapolis. I pulled on my gloves and ski cap, stepped outside, got that first deep breath of cold air and felt that blast of freezing urban wind tunnel…and went right back inside and got the treadmill. Man its cold here. I’m going to be glad to be back in Atlanta tomorrow.

Fast forward to tonight and Demetrius was crying on the phone and so was Maya. I don’t know what about (I can’t understand the whining and the crying-talk loudly into the receiver), but that happens when I’m gone sometimes. From Kim I got the, “I’ll call you back in :45.” High likelihood I won’t hear back from her as she’ll fall asleep with one of them.

Talked to Grandpa about yesterday’s post…he gave me an interesting perspective…not one I had considered before. Imagine you have a special needs child in your life (not necessarily your own child, but one in your life) and you see that child on an irregular basis…like every couple of months. Now imagine that he or she is making progress, but because you aren’t there as often…the changes and improvements he or she is making aren’t obvious and you only hear about them (or read about them in a blog). And in fact, you’ve learned, over the course of time, that new issues arise when others go away.

This is what my parents, and my in-laws, face when they see Demetrius. My parents took Demetrius for a walk this past weekend, and for some reason, he basically melted down when he got near a certain street in the neighborhood. No one is sure why, but they are sure it scared them to death. How do you react? How would you react? This isn’t the child that can tell you why, and you just can’t read into it that it is because he’s scared or he doesn’t want to go on the walk … there could be a noise or experience that has just set him off. And imagine now you have to navigate this little boy and his meltdown back to the house. Can you imagine how that might feel? Does the blood drain out of you? Do you feel like you are failing in some way, shape or form?

Kim and I are in it everyday…I don’t know what it is like to approach Demetrius with any sort of concerns or reservations because it is part of my daily life. In this family, grandparents have to feel their way …like finding your way around the furniture in a dark room until your eyes adjust.

That’s got to be tough, especially if you are trying to maximize every minute of every day you have with them in those short trips.

The baseball game? Yea, we discussed it. He was happy to see Demetrius having so much fun and enjoying himself…regardless of whether or not he was learning skills or teamwork…and if it really isn’t baseball. He was a six year old having fun on the diamond. That made Grandpa happy – seeing the boy so happy.

Like I said yesterday, he’s like granite.