Tuesday, December 16, 2008


I have had a couple of readers who have been with me a long time.  One is Marla Bates.

Marla has been chronicling the life of her child, Maizie, and has been commenting on the life of D and Maya since, I dunno, maybe 2006.

Today, she announced her husband left her and Maizie.  A little bit of an explanation, but he’s left a wife and special needs child.

This bothers me greatly.  I don’t understand this behavior.  Sure Kim and I have had our problems….but I think we had more issues when we were ‘kidless’ than when the children came along.  I’ve had my moments when I am exasperated, and she’s had hers, and we’ve had times where there has been very little talking to each other (no marriage is perfect and ours falls right into this bucket).  I’m no saint – I’ve discussed my short fuse, but I think in alot of ways Demetrius has made us tighter. 

My dad has said many times marriage is like any other investment, you have good years and bad years. I’ve tried to take this POV, and when things with the boy made our life tough, I’ve tried to hold onto this. 

Maybe I haven’t walked a mile in their shoes, so I’m judging here about a woman and husband I’ve never broken bread with, and I don’t know exactly how tough life is with Maizie compared to that of life with SuperD.  But they haven’t walked a mile in my shoes either.  All I think is that this family is in it together.  Right or wrong.  I lean on this when I have a bad day or Demetrius has a bad day.  He has us and we’re his foundation.  Right or wrong on any given day, we are united to make these kids lives the best it can be – and as I said, on most given days, we’re each other’s rock (but is this any different from other adult relationships? Good days and bad days and good years and bad years, right?).

So when I see that there is another woman, in another state, and the family is left hanging…I’m flabber-gassed.  Dude, there is a child you adopted counting on you in her life – she’s your responsibility…and she doesn’t probably understand why her daddy isn’t there anymore.  Get over your life with another woman – love or not.  You made your bed.  Sleep in it.  But after this, Marla probably doesn’t want you in it.  Then go help Maizie in every way possible.  Responsibility is a bitch I know, but live up to it.  You are giving all of us dads with a special needs child a bad rap, and some of us work real hard to be the best we can be for us…and our kids.

Hang in there Marla.

Posted by Jerry in 01:44:31 | Permalink | Comments (1) »