My Autistic Boy And Other Adventures In Fatherhood

• Last Wednesday, from Lex to NYC for my company’s analyst day walk-through
• Thursday morning, Security Analyst Day
• Thursday afternoon, waiting nervously at LaGuardia for a flight to Atlanta, between a storm approaching NYC and one in Atlanta
• Thursday night, arrive from NYC, grumping from bouncing on a two-plus hour flight
• Friday morning, workout at 4am, work all morning
• Friday afternoon, accountant and off to buy pinestraw for the flower beds
• Early Friday evening, Monsters vs. Aliens with Kim and kids
• Friday evening, wrestling, more working, up late trying to get through some projects and email
• Saturday morning, to the gym
• Saturday late-morning/early afternoon - mow yard in rain, put down pine straw in the beds in rain, give Buddy bath in rain
• Saturday late afternoon - take Demetrius to Borders bookstore, buy new Teen Titans graphic novel for him, off to Starbucks to get Kim and Jerry a cuppa joe
• Demetrius flies out of Starbucks - next door?  Game Stop!  Ninetendo DS games on the front shelf.  Daddy chases him down, afraid of heart attack.
• Buy new DS game for D, DS game for Maya
• Saturday night, Kim’s celebratory 40th party at restaurant, friends come over for dessert, wine, coffee or bourbon
• To bed about midnight
• Sunday morning, make breakfast for family
• Sunday late morning, pack and get house ready to show to a couple of realtors
• Sunday afternoon, lunch with family drive to Hartsfield Jackson Airport (ATL)
• Sunday afternoon until 7pm, wait and wait some more for my flight to be cancelled
• Sunday evening, take MARTA (train) across Atlanta back to Alpharetta, Kim and kids pick me up at 8:45pm
• Watch Talledega Nights with Kim and Buddy, to bed about 11pm (need to calm down from airport frustration and OCDing about where my luggage might be….)
• Monday morning, make kids breakfast, work….
• Monday early afternoon, back in office in Lexington (bumpy flight from ATL to LEX)
• Work until about 7pm….

Well, one thing I’ve found out since the relocation to Lexington, it is hard to get there via Delta Airlines.

I’ve had six trips since I’ve begun the new gig - and three of them have been canceled. If anything happens, you just can’t get there.

Today I had a 4:16 flight to Lexington, bounced from that due to some weather, then I’m on an Atlanta to Cincy, Cincy to Lexington flight… then the Cincy flight gets canceled.  Oy!

Now the positive is I get to see more of Kim and the kids.  The negative, we- me and Delta Airlines - have absolutely no idea where my luggage is.  I’m hoping that when I get to Lexington tomorrow, my bag will be there.  They think so - but then again, they can’t get me to Lexington, so I’m not sure we are actually in this together.

Hope my bag is warm enough wherever it is,  probably on its way to Boise, ID.  May be easier to get to then Lexington….

Spider Man Save the Day!  Thanks Aunt Francine!

One of the things that you don’t forget, but that you don’t necessarily remember either on a daily basis, is what a fit is actually like.

Demetrius and Maya both have been desperate to see Monsters Vs. Aliens, and we booked an early movie today at the 3D screen in the local theatre.  We thought it would be a blast…but we wanted to give them enough time after they got off the bus to relax before we went to the 4:40 show.

For some reason this pushed Demetrius over the edge. Laying on the floor, screaming at his mother, kicking the wall, crying at the top of his lungs. We did everything we knew how to calm him down - but he wouldn’t until we promised to take him to see Coraline when we next could.  It also helped when we got some food in his gullet. 

Did he enjoy the movie? Yes. Was I a bit shaken? Absolutely. I’m telling you guys, I’m losing my see legs a bit. The fit caught me by surprise, and Kim just flowed with it.  I faked it pretty good, but I forgot what that looks like…and just reminds me that he’s now 9 years old. What are we going to do if he keeps having these when he’s 17?  I think I’ll just bury that and not project into the future…

29th Floor, Millenium Hilton, NYC.  

Don’t know when we’ll see more than dirt moving….but I’d like to be back here next year and see the progress.  I hear they start working around 4am.  I’ll consider it my wake up call…..

Demetrius on stage after accepting his award

A bit nervous, biting his nails….like father like son

I told him to look at me to take a photo…

Demetrius, his ribbon and his art - the winning robot!

My girls at lunch after the ceremony at the OK Cafe (yes, Maya cut her own bangs)

Me and the award winner!

Today Demetrius received his reflections award from the Georgia PTA.  Hopefully later tonight I will be able to post the video and photos from the awards ceremony.

Needless to say, we couldn’t be prouder.  Here are a few of the details:

•    There were over 28,000 participants from the state of Georgia in 2009
•    Only 1st and 2nd place go to a committee for consideration
•    24 finalists are selected and considered by the state committee
•    Of those 24 finalists, Demetrius was the Special Artists, Visual Arts Second Grade State Winner, First Place

Wow SuperD!

It was overwhelming for him.  When we got there, his ‘shy gene’ kicked in and he began twirling his hair and chewing his fingernails.  He kept wondering when he had to ‘go up’.  When they called his name, he walked up on stage, said thank you and stood on stage, staring at his feet as I took digital photos.  As he does when he becomes very nervous or overwhelmed, he grasped his chest with his arms and squeezed as hard as he could.

As he walked off, he buried his head into my stomach.  He was quiet throughout lunch (although the location was loud) and Kim and I discussed she was going to have to coax a discussion about it out of him.  We hope he is proud (he got a big ribbon, document, and a $25 check!)  I know he was overwhelmed because he also leaned on me for stimulation in the lunch booth, and kept retreating to the corner of the booth and wouldn’t talk.

So I don’t know if he was happy, proud or not.  He just wouldn’t engage and verbalize.  I told him many times we were certainly proud of him.  And we really are! 

But it is at moments like this where you realize the autism does get in the way of the moment and you hope that it was in, some way or shape or form, special for him.

Some small way, as special for him as it was for his mom and dad.  I sure hope so.

I agree, one of my favorite pictures of me and the boy:

Good lesson to learn here about speaking off-the-cuff as president of the United States….

Problem is it hits a bit too close to home….

News item for your PR staff to work on for a day though - they’ll earn their checks today.

Kim told me today that Demetrius and another boy we are friends with, also autistic, had some trouble at the park with other boys.  The other boys made fun of Demetrius and the son of our friend, and it really upset Maya.  She couldn’t get over it.  Kim approached the other mom, and she got defensive.

“How could Chad know your son is autistic?”

This is true, how could he?  And I think there is a lesson, no matter how freakin’ frustrating, here.  When we approach another parent of a child who is teasing, and one we don’t know… one probably has to approach knowing that the parent, when you tell them their ‘little Charlie’ is making fun of a special needs child - they’ll probably have one of three reactions:

• Disbelief
• Anger and disappointment
• Anger, misplaced or not, aimed at you, for pointing this out

I suspect that when you catch a parent with such a statement/revelation - that it would be either the first or third bullets.  Kim knew this, swallowed it and moved on, but man, I bet that was tough to hear.

I don’t know how I would have handled, and apparently Maya was quite upset. She told Kim that she’s going to grow up and write a book about brothers ‘who are autism’ and she was embarrassed. Why, Kim asked?  Well, at one point, at the sand pit, in front of those boys, SuperD put a bucket on his head.  How could they not make fun of him (I was that kind of little boy at one point)? Man, I know Kim sighed deeply and then had a talk with our son.

Tough love from Kim.  He knows that he shouldn’t do that, and he gets upset when the other boys made fun of him.  I wonder if they told him to do it and he did it?  Hmmm…. Hope she had a glass of wine tonight.

Any thoughts or advice on how you’ve handled these moments with other parents, from the readers out there?

I think Kim handled it better than most, but any advice is always welcomed….